Dick pics in a castle
If you're going to take them, make the grand
Her name was Bambi, and she was the reason I was standing naked in front of my camera, which was propped up on a makeshift tripod, trying to time my final flex with the nanosecond the self-timer released the shutter. I had photographed Bambi nude the day before, posed on the same red velvet pedestal on which I now stood, and it was while capturing her magnificence that I realized I wanted to be where she was. I wondered now if my hair had the same shampoo commercial sheen as her blond locks had in the perfect, early evening light that flooded in through the massive French doors overlooking the Arno River. I wondered if the golden hour sunlight that had made her eyes pop 24 hours earlier did mine the same justice. She knew she was beautiful, and she had given me a lot to work with. Together we created images that looked like paintings, worthy of the most expensive, ornate frames sold in the antique shops just outside of the Florentine palazzo in which we were both lucky enough to be guests. I wondered as I tried various poses if any of my nudes might be framers. Granted, a nude Bambi is a more ubiquitously appealing subject, because Bambi is a long-haired chihuahua about the size of a deflated football, and dog pics are generally more popular than dick pics. That said, I think it’s time people start taking nude photos of themselves more seriously and start seriously taking nude photos of themselves. Everyone should have one great nude portrait. I have more than one.
